Is there a Santa Claus? - by Kristen Magnacca (Winter 2011)

IS THERE A SANTA CLAUS?

by Kristen Magnacca
Winter 2011

Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus was the title of an article which appeared in The Sun, a prominent New York paper back in 1897. In the article, a question was posed to the editor of The Sun by an eight-year-old girl named Virginia O'Hanlon, after her coroner father, Dr. Philip O’Hanlon, passed the buck when she inquired whether Santa really existed. Dr. O’Hanlon told his daughter, “If you see it in The Sun, it’s so”.

So, in her letter to Francis Pharcellus Church, editor of The Sun at the time, little Virginia begged him to please tell the truth. Is there a Santa? Francis Church worked for the paper as a war correspondent during the American Civil War. He bore witness to the suffering the war brought about, and to the diminished hope and faith in society. The article he wrote as an answer to Virginia appeared in a less than prominent spot on the editorial page. His message moved many people and has taken its place as the most reprinted editorial ever to run in the English language.

VIRGINIA, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except [what] they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, Virginia, whether they be men's or children's, are little. In this great universe of ours man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect, as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge.

Yes, VIRGINIA, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus. It would be as dreary as if there were no VIRGINIAS. There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The eternal light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished.

Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies! You might get your papa to hire men to watch in all the chimneys on Christmas Eve to catch Santa Claus, but even if they did not see Santa Claus coming down, what would that prove? Nobody sees Santa Claus, but that is no sign that there is no Santa Claus. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that's no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world.

You may tear apart the baby's rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived, could tear apart. Only faith, fancy, poetry, love, romance, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, VIRGINIA, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding.

No Santa Claus! Thank God! he lives, and he lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood.

You might be asking yourself: what does this have to do with my personal fertility journey and coping with the holiday season? Just as Virginia was longing for an answer about her belief in Santa, having our ability to conceive a child challenged leads us to urgently question our beliefs, hold onto what we consider true and try to sustain our faith.

Do you still believe there are possibilities which we are unable to see within our human condition?

Now that your dream to create your family has taken a turn you did not expect, or that perhaps you feel as though you don’t have the knowledge to deal with this situation, remind yourself that you are still moving forward in faith and have trust in a presence which, like Santa Claus, is the spirit of love, generosity and joy.

Staying connected to our heart’s desire in a magical way, like when we open a gift that we have longed for, is a challenge when we are confronted with negative news month after month.

Thinking back on my fertility journey and the holiday season, I recall how the process of creating our family overtook the holiday spirit. Our fertility experiences included a pregnancy loss the day before the holiday, an emergency surgery, and then complications on New Year’s Day which shifted the energy away from the holidays and left less than desirable memories.

The only thing that kept me moving forward then was the belief that we would someday become parents. So I ask you to take a moment and ask yourself:

What do you believe about your family creation journey?

Have your beliefs been shaken and changed? Are you able to regroup and hold onto your unwavering faith at this time in your lives?

If you answer, “Yes, my beliefs have changed” and, “No, I am not really able to regroup and hold onto unwavering faith,” you’re not alone. Those feelings are shared by the couples who are experiencing exactly what you are going through at this moment. But there are strategies you can integrate into your life which will help you re-connect to your beliefs over and over again.

Here are a few suggestions for the upcoming holiday season which include creating a system to reconnect to the energy of the season’s spirit.

- First, connecting and re-connecting with gratitude raises one’s energy level this time of year. If you are thankful, you cannot also be afraid, sad or resentful.

Creating a new list every day, over the next 21 days, of ten things you are grateful for has magical powers. A quick and simple list might include:

No lines at the checkout counter
Having someone to purchase a special gift for
A sparkling tree
An amazing strength that allows me to get through the day.

- Secondly, Remember, you have the right to change your mind!

The holiday season comes with social engagements that can add another burden while you are trying to create your family. So you might be asking yourself, “Should I go or not?”

Here’s one helpful strategy concerning social events: ask yourself, on a scale of one to ten, whether it is important for me/us to go? Then, after that number has been determined, ask yourself, “Ten years from now will this event really matter in our lives?”

If you choose to go, try breaking the event down into parts and setting a goal such as to stay for appetizers or just attend dessert and then leave. This will help you create a winning situation instead of a situation that you are just enduring throughout the whole event.

Last year one of my clients discussed this issue with me around the holiday season. She was feeling guilty that she did not want to attend her friends’ “trim a tree” gathering and was torn as to what to do. What she came up with was to send a little ornament with a note saying that she would be there in spirit but had another commitment. That was not a false statement because her commitment was to herself and her marriage.

During fertility treatments your life changes and your perspective needs shifting as well. One shift that is almost mandatory is one that allows you to care and nurture your mind, body and soul along with your relationship. It is not being selfish; in actuality it is being self-fulfilled, by showing extra compassion and tenderness in a manner that is best for you and your partner.

Remember you’re creating memories along this journey that you will share with your children, so what legacies will you choose to share with them?

Here is one last nudge to help you have a peaceful holiday season. When my husband and I were in the midst of the fertility journey, it never dawned on us that the last holiday we celebrated as a couple would be… the last holiday we celebrated as a couple! Take care to foster a moment for thinking, “Oh my goodness, this person is my partner and I cherish this time” because it could be the last holiday you’re a family of two!

So, yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. And yes, to all the women and couples experiencing the challenges associated with trying to create their family, I say there is hope and a promise of a surprise on Christmas morning.

About the author

Kristen is an award-winning fertility author, life coach, and motivational speaker. She has written two books: Love and Infertility and Girlfriend to Girlfriend: A Fertility Companion. She works with fertility clinics and fertility providers to help them enhance and improve the fertility patient’s experience and was a board member and volunteer for RESOLVE of New England. Visit www.kristenmagnacca.com to learn more!