Personal Stories
Printer-friendly versionA Celebration of Who I've Become - Winter 2007
It’s been 655 days since my husband and I “decided” to go ahead and have a baby. I remember it well because we had just come home from a family reunion at Thanksgiving where there were babies and expectant mothers everywhere. We were on the outside looking in.
A Challenging Road to Motherhood
May is likely one of the most beautiful months, filled with the hope and promise of spring and Mother’s Day – the hardest day of the year for me. As I reflect on the what-ifs of my life I am able to find ways to move past the pain of infertility and take pleasure in the best parts of my life...
No one ever said it would be easy – did they? Happiness . . . What is happiness to you? What does happiness mean to you? Is it something you have at your fingertips but haven't taken advantage of yet?
Infertility blog
Breastfeeding an Adopted Child - Fall 2007
Breastfeeding my adopted daughter for ten months gave me the satisfaction of knowing that although I did not give birth to her, I was able to breastfeed her, which created a very strong and special bond between us. This is what prompted me to submit this article; I want other women who are contemplating adoption to know that this option is available to them also.
Child free by chance: Moving On - Winter 2008
"How many kids do you have?" I'm sure many of you who are about to read this article cringe when I pose this common question we are all faced with in just about every social situation. I used to rehearse so that my emotions would stay in check while answering. I came up with some beauties such as "Well, I have two cats that keep me busy," or "We haven't found the instruction book yet!"...
Introducing MENSFE, the Men's Fertility Network - Winter 2007
I don’t recall much of the meeting with the doctor on that day. All I can recall with great clarity is the moment when he turned to me and said ‘There’s no chance for you. You only have one or two sperm and they are dead anyway.’ Then he turned away to my wife and left me in an almost dreamlike state of shock. That is when the black years started and I was alone.
LGBTQ Communites & AHR Services - Winter 2008
I got pregnant 17 years ago using donor sperm at a fertility clinic in downtown Toronto. I was part of an early wave of lesbian/bisexual/queer-identified women who were accessing reproductive technologies to build our families. Today my daughter is 16 and I am the coordinator of the LGBTQ Parenting Network, a program located at the Sherbourne Health Centre that provides resources, support, and information to LGBTQ (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer) parents and prospective parents. We also do research, advocacy and training. Since 1997 I’ve been teaching a course called Dykes Planning Tykes (DPT), a 12-week course for lesbian/bisexual/queer women who are considering parenthood. DPT spawned Daddies & Papas 2B (DP2B), a similar course for gay/bisexual/queer men, and that in turn spawned Trans Fathers 2B (TF2B), a course for FTM (female-to-male) men considering parenthood. These courses, run jointly with Queer Parenting Programs at the 519 Church Street Community Centre, provide prospective parents with a place to get information, to grapple with important decisions, to meet and hear about the journeys of other LGBTQ parents, and, most importantly, to build community.
Living Childfree after Infertility - Winter 2007
Coming to the decision to live childfree after years of trying to have children was a complex choice following an unexpected and tumultuous journey. After seven years of heartache and frustration, my husband Peter and I finally made that choice. One might wonder if it was a choice at all, given my inability to conceive due to premature ovarian failure at the young age of thirty-three. After failed fertility treatments alongside exploring options such as egg donation and adoption, we finally said enough was enough. We needed to move on with our lives and find new raisons d'être.
"We have great news to share with you… we're going to have a baby!"
Patient's Perspective - Fall 2006
"Honey, I'm ovulating!!"
Patient's Perspective - Winter 2006
For my husband and I, Christmas Eve is the anniversary when we discovered another failed IVF cycle.
Patient's Perspective: Coping Plan - Spring 2007
“We have a baby boy!” Those were the words that my younger brother shared with us in the wee hours of the morning on October 20, 2006. As I lay in bed, now fully awake at 2:00 a.m., I felt frozen. It was a moment I tried to prepare for ever since they announced their pregnancy earlier in the year.
Patient's Perspective: The Right Support Group - Spring 2006
With the right support group, you don't have to walk alone
Patient's Perspective: Change is in the Air - Winter 2010
As the days grow shorter and the nights grow chillier, there is no denying that change is in the air. Pregnancy, like the change of the seasons, brings with it a knowing and awareness that change is upon us. One change is a choice, the step you’ve taken to achieve this change, but the end result and life beyond the change remain a mystery. Inevitably, no matter how prepared or how accepting we are, there is no denying that something old has to end for something new to begin...
Patient's Perspective: Setting Priorities - Spring 2008
Recently, as I lay in my acupuncturist’s office, needles up and down my spine, a thought occurred to me which I’m sure we have all had at one time or another: I wondered just how far I was willing to go to have a baby.
I am now 26 years old and studying electrical engineering at Concordia University. I would have already completed these studies had I not spent the last 8 years living with chronic pain, having multiple surgeries and countless treatments to treat a disease that eluded doctors. Endometriosis!
Reality Check - The "blessing" of multiple births - Winter 2008
“Twins! Such a blessing!” was the constant cry when I was pregnant with Alex and Simon, our now four-year-old monozygotic twin boys. “More of a nightmare,” was how we saw it at the time, between the anticipated financial burden and the considerably higher-risk pregnancy. But, of course, strangers would see twins as a blessing, for indeed, twins, triplets and higher-order multiples immediately bring to mind the media images we imagine they will resemble: cute, matching little darlings. (I have yet to see a movie or news report that shows the all-too-real drama of two or more screaming babies at 2:30 a.m., when their sleep-deprived parents are ready to pull their hair out!) Are twins—or any multiples—really a blessing? Or is the latest craze of planning an “instant family” a misguided attempt at acquiring an illusion? Obviously, spontaneously conceived multiples are an unexpected reality faced by many parents, but for those who have some decision-making opportunities in the course of their fertility treatments, let’s consider some of the claims and corresponding facts.
Reflections of an adoptive parent
What My Children Taught Me, Some of which I Didn’t Want to Know! When my husband and I were discussing marriage and children, we naively thought we would have two children biologically and adopt two children. He had worked with inner city children and I had read articles about Dale Evans and Roy Rogers adopting children from around the world (now you can probably guess how old I am). It never occurred to us that life would not work out as we had planned...
Surviving Infertility - Fall 2005
...When I was a child, I was told that I would get married, become a mother and have a husband to take care of me. I did marry and I have a husband, (we take care of each other), but I didn’t become a mother. I became aware of my infertility problem at the age of 28, after two years of marriage. I was referred for a second opinion and began the usual workup...
The Decision to Adopt: One Woman's journey - Fall 2006
The numbers speak for themselves: 11 cycles of in-vitro fertilization (IVF), approximately 200 needles I personally injected into my stomach and thighs, five failed corrective surgeries, 26 embryos conceived in a petri dish, one surrogate mother to carry our embryos, three pregnancies lost before a foetal heartbeat was detected, countless times I let doctors and nurses investigate my private bits, and after all that… still no baby. I am infertile...
The End of My Journey and a New Beginning
My journey began 10 years ago at the age of 30, when my husband and I began the sperm wash program at one of our local hospitals...
The Gift of Mindfulness through Fertility Challenges - Winter 2010
You may be hearing the word mindfulness more and more these days. Many people ask me, "What exactly is mindfulness?" By the time you finish reading this article, you will have had a firsthand experience of mindfulness and you’ll better understand how you can use it to ease anxiety or other negative emotions throughout your fertility journey. Before we begin I would like you to ask yourself, within your mind and body, "What's happening now?"
The Last Word - Fertile Future - Summer 2008
Every day great strides are taken in the drive to beat cancer. Physicians are more informed and knowledgeable on the latest research findings, diagnostic procedures are increasingly efficient, and treatment is evolving to be more effective. As a result, and most fortunately, there are a growing number of young cancer survivors. These children, teenagers, and young adults are treated, and many go forward to have full lives. While most people may imagine that cancer patients are simply grateful to be alive, they may be surprised to hear that it is not necessarily enough. Young cancer survivors have fought to be here. They have gone through major surgeries, chemotherapy, radiation, and more doctors’ appointments than most people have in their lifetimes. I now ask you the question that I asked myself on the day I was diagnosed: if I am going to fight to be alive, then why shouldn’t I have the fullest life possible when I get to the other side?
The Last Word: Experienced - Fall 2008
My husband and I started our journey to conceive our family in April, 2003. At the time, I didn't even realize that what we were about to undertake had a start date. Really, like so many others, we thought, we’d just do it and see what happened. I didn't really put my life on hold or cancel plans or delay anything in particular. We just went with the flow. And I have no regrets for not being more "proactive" earlier on.
The Last Word: The Agony of Anger
After a year of trying to conceive, my husband Mark and I were told in July of 2006 that our only hope of conception was in-vitro fertilization. Shortly afterwards, I began a pattern of suppressing my anger, feeling jealous of others and then feeling ashamed of the jealousy.
The Last Word: What's in a word? - Winter 2010
“Barren,” “sterile,” “infertile,” are just some of the words we use to refer to men and women who have reproductive difficulties. Does it matter which one we use? What do these words mean to you?
The Long Road to Motherhood - (Spring 2010)
by Gloria Montoya Solarte
Gloria Montoya Solarte first shared her story with us in the spring of 2008. Now she continues her story in which her courage, strength and hope have not diminished one iota. I felt that it was important to pass along this story to inspire others. - Beverly Hanck, IAAC
The Patient's Perspective - Two Week What? - Summer 2008
Anyone who has ever tried to conceive should know what I’m talking about. You know those two weeks each month spent between sanity and insanity, where time turns so slowly it seems like an eternity… those days spent between the moment when you think you have conceived and the time when you will know for sure.
The Patient's Perspective: Bittersweet - Fall 2008
There’s something about the word “infertility” that causes a person to squirm just a little. I would compare it to that awkward feeling of not quite knowing what to say when a person has lost someone close to them. Because I have not yet experienced a loss, I can’t quite grasp how sad and lost they might feel. I get tongue-tied, and although I try to say something nice, I just don’t know what the person needs to hear from me, or what the proper etiquette is in this situation. The sweat starts to bead on my forehead and I fight hard not to back to the door, turn around and run. It can be so uncomfortable when you don’t know what to say.
The Patient's Perspective: My Christmas - Winter 2008
Christmas can be a time of year that is very difficult when dealing with infertility. There are family events, possibly with little ones running rampant, and visits with not-so-close family members who may not be aware of the difficulties we are faced with. They ask the questions that really make us cringe. “When are you having babies?” “By now I’d have thought there’d be a little carbon copy of my nephew running around.” “Are you sure your marriage is okay?” I’m sure we all have a built-in response to some of these questions, and then there are the responses we’d love to give, but don’t.
What's It Like to be Multiples? - Insight from dizygotic twins
...Individuality has been one aspect of human life that is taught from the earliest stages of comprehension: you are unique, you are special, and there is no one else like you. But, as all multiples and parents of multiples know - it’s a little different when you have twins!...