It is Amazing What You Can Find at the Back of the Freezer - Angela Greene (Winter 2011)

IT IS AMAZING WHAT YOU CAN FIND AT THE BACK OF THE FREEZER

by Angela Greene
Winter 2011

When I was 33 and divorced (no kids), I relocated to Toronto with a view to starting a new life. The idea was that, with any luck at all, this new life would include a new someone and, eventually, children. This plan did not go according to schedule. I found myself at 37, sitting in the office of Dr. Alan Shewchuk, one of the physicians at a fertility clinic. After three cycles of Lupron injections and egg harvesting we discussed other options. “The eggs we have been able to harvest from you are simply the wrong shape; they don’t look promising or, frankly, even viable. Also, we’ve only been able to get one egg at a time. I don’t think this will get better. Do you have a Plan B?” For me, having a child was an imperative; it was not optional. And so Plan B was to move on to adoption. Alan suggested I consider China: “Great gene pool. Lots of smart little girls. Definitely look at China. Best of luck.” We were always very frank with each other.

Then about three weeks later, I was in the shower when a thought struck me like a thunderbolt. I dashed out of the shower for the telephone (without the benefit of a towel). I needed to meet with Alan as soon as possible. He saw me later that same morning. I was almost trembling. “You have a freezer; it must surely have lots of spare embryos left over from other people’s successful in vitros. I just need one. Can we do this?”

While Alan appeared a bit taken aback, he was also intrigued. He excused himself and came back ten minutes later with his nurse. He pointed to me. “The hair… Don’t you think?” His nurse looked at me, looked at him and smiled. Alan sat down. “I think we have the one for you. There was a couple here about two years ago. They had mechanical reproductive issues and we did a single, very successful, in vitro with them which resulted in fraternal twins. Delightful, healthy children, I understand. The thing is, there are six embryos left. And the mother had brown, wavy hair just like yours.” The couple had signed off on all remaining material and the clinic had them re-execute a second release as I was preparing to become inseminated.

When people tell me and my eleven-year-old daughter how much we look alike, it is our secret joke. Catherine has been in on the story of how she came about almost from the very beginning. I deliberately started sharing it with her when she was only two years old, showing her “her” little petri dish, the one with her name on it and the date of her implantation. By the time she was four she would ask me to “tell me again the story of how Mummy wanted me so much that she found the terrific doctor…” I had been quite clear in my mind that a story that big just could not be kept from one’s own child. Even if no one else knew about it, she certainly would. Granted, at some point I also had to tell her that babies could be made without going into a freezer.

But it also occurred to me that as she grew older, she would have questions.

Catherine*: Hello, my name is Catherine. I am eleven years old and surprisingly enough, I have brown, wavy hair. My mother has told me this story numerous times and every time I listen, I can just imagine the little light bulb over her head when she thought of the extra embryos in the freezer. I find it quite intriguing to know that there may be someone in the world that looks almost identical to me. I recall when my mother would tell the story, I would ask her if I could one day meet my ‘egg mother’ (Thank you wherever you are!)

Angela*: Are there any questions you have?

Catherine: How do you feel knowing that you have used somebody else’s egg as your own?

Angela: Incredibly grateful. And not at all weird.

Catherine: So you are saying that it is not strange if there is someone out in the world who looks exactly like me?

Angela: Well, I actually find it kind of fascinating. And he or she probably doesn’t look exactly like you. How do you feel about it?

Catherine: I feel very curious about whether she looks identical or not even close.

Angela: Here’s another thought from a different angle: genetically you and I have absolutely nothing in common. We are not even from the same ethnic background. I am a combination of Scottish-Irish-English-Dutch. You, I understood from Dr. Shewchuck, are Russian-Jewish.

Catherine: I’m Jewish?! Are you serious???!!!

Angela: Um, I have told you that.

Catherine: No way…Cool.

Angela: Yes I did, I don’t think you pay attention, sometimes. Why do you think we always go over to Nathalie’s for Passover? And Russian. Don’t forget you’re Russian.

Catherine: So now we might as well celebrate Rosh Hashannah too? I was paying attention, FYI!

Angela: Moving on, any new thoughts about whether you and I have anything in common? What do we share?

Catherine: We have – a bit – the same face. I tan in the summer, you definitely do not. You have freckles, I don’t. On the other hand, we both really like to read. We both LOVE to travel. We both like to write stories. We are both interested in history. I like rap and you are just against that (which is really sad). But we both like Green Day. And La Bohème. And we both LOVE Jackson Pollock. And New York. And Florence. And milk chocolate.

Angela: You are way more athletic than I am. And more coordinated. Also, I am entirely tone deaf whereas you have real musical talent. I knew that from when you were a little girl and I used to sing to you and you would politely say, “Mummy, please stop”.

Catherine: And we both love each other very, very much.

Angela: Yes, we do.

Catherine: Tell me again about how you met Dad.

Angela: Well, when I was going through the Lupron series with Dr. Shewchuk, your Uncle Dan came over to my table at the University Club’s annual dinner to say hello. He had his friend Martin with him. He thought we might hit it off... and he was right. Your Dad always laughs when he recalls how I told him, on the first date, that I was “on the baby project”. Now, your Dad did NOT want to start a second family. He had two grown up daughters from his first marriage and he did not want to go through that again at all.

Catherine: So what made him change his mind? (This is the good part!)

Angela: Well, as I continued down the baby path, we continued to get to know each other and realized that we actually did hit it off quite well. When I became pregnant with you, I was very clear with your Dad that he could stick around as long as he wanted to or take off whenever, but that I was having you. To that he said that he would give me a ride home from the hospital and then say good-bye, and I said that that was fine. But then he was there when you were born. And when you and I came home from the hospital, he showed up for dinner that night. And the next night. And the night after that. And after about nine months of dinner, I said that since you would soon be recognizing people as individuals, he had to decide before you turned into one whether he was in or out. I did not want you to have a sense of missing him. And so we got married the following October at the University Club where we met. I think you can have the last word.

Catherine: Aaaaawwww!!!! I always think it’s so sweet when I hear that story! Now, he is my football-loving, wonderful father! Well, that is it for now! I hope that all of you lucky mothers-to-be will have a happy, active child.

Sincerely, Angela and Catherine

*All the names have been changed so as to protect the identity of the child.