Adoption Corner: My Adoption Story - by Jennifer Gerrits (Winter 2011)

ADOPTION CORNER

MY ADOPTION STORY

Prepared by Jennifer Gerrits
(Chance Harbour, New Brunswick)
Winter 2011

We knew from our early days of dating that we wanted to have three children. We wanted to have them close together in age and fairly soon after we were married. We now have three children, but that is where the similarities between past expectations and present reality end, and I can honestly say I am thankful that our “well-planned” life followed its own special path.

In the early days of our marriage I was diagnosed with endometriosis and polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS). We were told that if we wanted to have children, the time was now and the clock was ticking. Over the course of the next four years, I had many surgeries, took a lot of medication – and felt like an emotional wreck. As time went on, and after each failed cycle, we found ourselves talking more and more about adoption. We had already put our names on the provincial infant list a few years after we were married. We were told that the wait was close to 10 years.

Christmas 2001 brought a moment that would forever change our lives; it was one of those “Aha!” moments when that little light bulb flashes on. I remember thinking that I was done. Finished. No longer wanted to get pregnant. No longer wanted to be pregnant. I just wanted to be someone’s Mom. I finally realized that I was focusing too hard on how we might become parents instead of looking at the bigger picture. We talked a lot about what we wanted for the future and, amazingly enough, we didn’t even see ourselves with a baby!

In the New Year, we contacted the Department of Social Development to let them know that we wanted to be moved from their infant list; we were interested in adopting a sibling group of children instead. Within weeks of our change we learned that the New Brunswick Adoption Foundation’s campaign entitled “Kids Can’t Wait to Have a Family” was initiated. At the same time, we started our mandatory 27 hour pre-adoption training with the Province, and by May we had started our home-study.

We knew of a little girl at our church that was in care, and that an adoptive family was being sought for her. We started asking about her and, before we knew it, we were together with her on a 10-day trip to Prince Edward Island. It was considered “relief care” for her foster parents, but for us it was a small glimpse at how gratifying having a child in one’s life can be. As we were sitting down to supper the first night, we were asked point blank, “Why don’t you and Mike have any kids?” My immediate response to her was that perhaps God didn’t think it was time for us to be parents yet. She replied: “Maybe you should adopt a kid like me!” That warm August evening, I called her foster mom and told her we needed to get things rolling immediately!

On October 17, 2002, life stood still when I answered the phone and heard the words “Hi Mom!” Our daughter Michelle, age seven, came home that day, and it felt as if all three of us were put on this earth to come together as a family. Becoming a mom was amazing, but not as overwhelming as I had expected. As our little trio settled into the everyday routine of laughter, homework, and lots of laundry, we discovered that “change” would be a very familiar word in our house.

Michelle came from a wonderful foster home and she had a handful of foster siblings who were in care at the same time as she was. Matthew was one and a half years old when Michelle came to live with us. They had been together from the time Matthew went into care at only six weeks old. At the time Michelle was adopted, Matthew was not yet available, but only five months after Michelle arrived on the scene, we got word that Matthew was ready for adoption. After a lot of meetings, phone calls and what seemed to be miles of red tape, we were able to give Michelle the news she had told us she always wanted to hear: “You’re going to be a big sister!” Matthew’s giggle brought new life to our house, and made my heart sing.

Seven months after becoming parents the first time, we found ourselves with two children! I had taken a nine-month parental leave when we adopted Michelle, so I was due back at work not long after Matthew came home. We decided it would work best if I went back to work on a casual basis, as we were not ready to leave Matthew with a sitter.

Watching the kids together was magnificent. They meshed so well; it was as if they had never spent time apart. They saw their foster parents at church each Sunday, and we had occasional visits with them. We once again settled into an easy routine.

In the province of New Brunswick, one must wait one year after an adoption is finalized before applying to adopt again. It was pretty much a year to the day when we dropped off our application to readopt. Michelle was 10, and Matthew was 4, so we were hoping to find a little someone who would fit in the middle, keeping Michelle as the oldest and Matthew as the youngest. Once again fate intervened.

We found out a few weeks later that somewhere in the city, Michelle’s birthmother was due to have a baby boy. A full biological sibling! We were informed that we would be the first choice for placement, as they prefer to keep siblings together. The baby went straight into foster care from the hospital. It was so strange to know he was out there but that, due to the fact that they were waiting for a guardianship order, he was not yet available to be adopted. We found a solution that would get him into our home sooner: Mike and I became licensed foster parents! We knew that there was a small chance of the courts returning the baby to his birthmother but we decided the risk was worth it.

At three and a half months of age, Willem came home. I remember standing in the living room with this squirming bundle wondering what we had gotten ourselves into. I was used to being a mom to big kids, but a baby was so new and different. The new routine was definitely not as easy as when Michelle and Matthew came home. The hardest part of Willem’s transition was not being able to tell Michelle who he really was. He was with us as a foster child, and we were told that Michelle couldn’t know that he was her biological brother until the guardianship was granted.

On Mike’s 37th birthday, we found out that both of Willem’s birth parents had signed the papers, and that unless the order was contested, he was ours. The kids were really shocked to hear that our foster baby was indeed going to be their brother, and Michelle was astonished when one month later she was told that Willem was her biological sibling.

The next call from the Department of Social Development was also surprising. It seems our name had come up on the newest infant list. What I said when they told me this was something I had never in my life imagined saying: “I’m sorry, but you can remove our names from the list. We don’t want to adopt another baby.” It felt so good to say – our family felt complete!

Our story is as unique as that of any family out there. I am always reminding people that this is all normal for us as we have never known anything else. The only difference is that we had to work a little harder to obtain what we needed to become parents.

At this point I’d like to fast forward a few years… In the summer of 2008, Michelle, Matthew and Willem were all reunited with their birthmothers. It was a very emotional experience for me to be able to meet the women who had brought our children into this world. It was also incredible for these women who had their children taken away to begin building a relationship with them.

It is now 2010 and we’ve become a strong family unit. We have our challenges, as most families do. We squabble about homework, putting dirty clothes in the hamper, or whose turn it is to take the dogs out, but we also have things other families don’t. We have “Gotcha Days” that we celebrate every year. To us, the moment our children came home is equally important as the day they were born. We have their birthmothers; Michelle and her mother B. are quickly becoming friends. Michelle is very proud of her two moms, and has no problem with both of us being overprotective. Matthew and Willem are always creating little art projects for B. or L., and want their birthmothers to know about important things that are happening to them. I have formed an adoptive parents’ support group in my city, and am presently working on an open adoption workshop that Michelle and I will be able to present to the adoption community. I have become an adoption advocate because I am so thankful to have my family, and I want others to be able to feel the joy we have been blessed with.